Friday, November 30, 2007

Something different

I am a huge fan of the Onion; I religiously check their website every Wednesday to see the new opinion articles. I find these hilarious especially the Herbert Kornfeld articles well I decided to try my hand at it.

Whether we win or loose God will love you but I won’t.
By Coach Bill Jones; Head Football Coach Crestwood Christian School

That’s right I said it! Everyday five days a week you hear this from your teachers here at Crestwood Christian. While it is true that God’s love is everlasting, perfect and unconditional but mine is not. I am tired of losing to the public schools in our league. Year after year they hand us our asses and what do we do after they’ve used and abused us? We get on the bus; lick our wounds and pray for healing! How about this? PRAY FOR A WIN! Jeremiah; aren’t you always talking about how Moses led his people to the Promised Land? Well there is a promised land in football too; it’s called the end zone! Maybe you should pray to be led there! He split the Red Sea so you would think splitting our opponent’s defense would be child’s play. We deserve it you’re all good servants as you put it. Wouldn’t he want to see you win and be happy? All the praying and talking to the other team after the game about their salvation should have earned us some points. It is time to call them in. It is getting harder for me to go to coaches meetings or the grocery store for that matter. All I hear is their snickering “he coaches THAT team and they can’t even win a stinking game”, “you expect me to go to church”? “If God can’t help them he sure as hell is not going to do anything for me”! So you not praying for a win will actually do more to hurt us than help us. You want more souls? Before we go out there get on your knees and pray for a win! Afterwards your words of testimony will not fall on deaf ears! If we win then we can call it a miracle! God’s miracle! After all didn’t that guy get some souls after he did that water thing at the wedding? He healed some dead guy too so get up after that tackle and don’t cry this time Luke! Your bruised ribs and bruised ego will be an after thought to him. These are not tears of joy I am crying! Let’s go out there and win this game!

No comments: