Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
DEAR ABBY/TDizzle: I am basically your average seventh-grader with divorced parents. My dad is about to get married again. I like my future stepmom, except for one thing. She never buckles her seat belt. She says it's uncomfortable, and she doesn't like it.
She recently moved here from Colombia, but that does not excuse her from obeying our laws. I don't know what to do. My dad tells her to buckle up, but she never does. What should I do? -- STRAPPED IN TIGHT
Dear Strapped in Tight: Your future stepmother does not want to see let alone hear anything from you. You are a constant reminder of a your fathers previous relationship and sees his child support payment to your mother as a drain on their finances. She would like nothing more than to bid rid of you since the extra money would come in handy. And by the way if she "moved" here from Columbia chance are your father met her on the internet and those bridal clearinghouses are not cheap. If your father is that much of a pathetic dipshit that he had to "move" your stepmother from Columbia chances are you will have to as well. So think about how you will feel when your goody two shoes progeny reminds your purchased second wife about a seat belt. The apple does not fall far from the tree!
You run Thomas Jones out of town for Cedric Bensen. He cannot pass block or run for that matter. No big off season signings. We lost the Super Bowl and we let go of a coordinator, cut our nose tackle, and settled on a bad running back. The Patriots lost in the AFC Championship Game and they went out a signed Randy Moss! Why? Because they want to WIN! Griese/Grossman have no studs in the stable Muhsin Mohammed is good but he is getting older and has no one to take pressure off of him. Then the defense is bad Brian Urlacher is hurt and behaving like a child Mike Brown is out and Adam Archuleta is just bad. At least there is only eight more games
I almost agree with not going after Kobe because you would have gutted the team. But then you let Kevin Garnett go to the Celtics and team with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. They have got to be the favorite in the Eastern Conference. The Knicks traded for Zach Randolph who is a low post scoring threat that we needed. We draft Noah who is an energy guy like Tyrus Thomas. I wonder if "energy" is code word for bad. Thomas has a ton of potential but seems uninterested in getting it together. Noah has little offense and is a defensive player much like the guy you pay $15 million a year; Ben Wallace. Then the big off season signing Joe Smith. I hope Luol Deng makes a huge leap we are expecting because all of a sudden we look like the losers in the Curry deal.
Even though they made the playoffs they have issues. Soriano will only hit lead off and he is bad at that. You paid Marquis a lot of money to be bad. Now you have to go and find a starting pitcher make a decision on Wood and Prior. I would tender Wood an offer with a promise of seeing the back end of the rotation or as the closer. Rumor has it Prior will not start throwing until June so let someone else pay him to rehab. Then there is the outfield let go of the mentally ill Floyd go after someone like Torii Hunter and platoon Murton in right with Jones.
And finally; the beloved
Some feeble minded people will probably say the Red Sox won this year last time they did that we won the next year! It is fate. I think we need to let Uribe go and solidfy the middle with someone like Eckstein or Renteria at short and go after Andruw Jones or Torii Hunter in center. Both come from winning organizations and will bring a professional attitude. I believe that the Braves may let Renteria go because while he was on the DL his replacement played pretty well. If we do this I think we could let Brian Anderson and Josh Fields battle it out for left field, Podsednik needs to go too. Hopefully Contreras will bounce back or we resign Garland and find another servicable starter to go with Buerhle, Vasquez and Garland. Hopefully someone from the trade of Brandon McCarthy; by the way I hated this trade, will show up and perform.
I believe that all of the GM's have shown to some degree or another an institutional arrogance be it falling in love with their "core"; Paxton or Williams trading away a bona fide starter for projects. I am glad I got that off my chest
Friday, October 26, 2007
Thursday, October 25, 2007
CF: Hey Steve it's me Kirk.
CA: How are you doing? How are things in Hawkeye Nation (giggling)?
CF: Rough. Since you left town everyones ire is directly on me. These people expect me to actually win they're not buying this building for the future shit anymore. Did you see what Purdue did to us?
CA: That was rough my friend. It is nice to be here in New Mexico the only things hot here is the sun. I am tan and playing a little golf, talking at some alumni events getting free meals and things like that.
CF: Obviously none of them have heard of your history here in Iowa City. Man talk about the good ole days, walk around high fiving and fist bumping these morons, talk in coachspeak using words like synergy, cohesion bringing back the Hawkeye pride. I envy you.
CA: I am truly blessed my friend.
CF: Still running off at the mouth about that too? If people only knew!
CA: That is the beauty! They don't. Talk about resurrection! I figure it took them seven years to get sick of me in Iowa. Seven years here and I'll be in my early fifties then I can do TV. That's when the big bucks start rolling in.
CF: You're such a tool. Maybe I should start recruiting low lives like you did? Does Pierre Pierce have any brothers or cousins? Hopefully the apple didn't fall far from the tree.
CA: I beat you to them.
CF: Bastard. What am I supposed to do?
CA: Nothing just roll with it, I did. Follow the Alford scorched earth program and I promise you will land on your feet somewhere else probably making more money than you are now.
CF: Thanks Steve! Give my best to the wife and kids!
CA: You too!
Monday, October 22, 2007
This morning I turned on ESPN hoping to see some highlights from the Bears vs. Eagles game; you see I live in Iowa and that game was not the Fox game in my area it was the Cowboys vs. Vikings. I listened to the game over the internet but I missed the final few minutes because my wife had brought dinner home and we were eating. Afterwards I went to my Chicago Sports website and I see that they had won. I digress well anyway like I said I turned on ESPN and you were going on about New England who beat Miami handily. Then you went on and called Tom Brady handsome and well dressed. If you like him that much it is okay, people are much more accepting these days. Maybe he feels the same about you! The two of you could live happily ever after. All I wanted to see was the final drive? That was a gut check, a season changing drive instead I had to watch you profess you love of Tom Brady. I hope you choke on him; aimless wander into traffic or any one of a hundred painful things.
TD: Thanks for taking my questions today coach.
CF: No problem Tom.
TD: Tough loss today to the Boilermakers. It seemed like a letdown especially since that emotional win against Illinois last week. Any thoughts?
CF:That was tough. And coming to play here in West Lafayette is tough. But boy letdown is a tough word. I think we played them closer than the final score dictates.
TD: Really? Curtis Painter threw the ball where ever he wanted completing 29 of 48 passes for 315 yards and three touchdowns. You were down by eleven at the half. Then you came out stale to start the second half finally getting a field goal. Then you had Purdue on a third and twelve and your vaunted defense allowed a 33 yard touchdown from Painter to Bryant. Walk me thru that, no pressure on the QB? Then you have a good return and Purdue's horrible defense caused you to punt.
CF: Those are all valid points you make. But the game looks different from the sidelines then it does on TV.
TD: On TV it looked like an asskicking.
CF:We have four games left and lets see where we go from here.
TD: Yes MSU, Minnesota, Northwestern and Western Michigan those could be four wins and a possible bowl bid. Is that what you need to keep you job?
CF: Whoa let's not get out of hand with the expectations here. All you guys want to talk about is expectations. Can we win those? Sure; but if I say that fans are going to want it and maybe even demand it. That is a lot of pressure to put me under.
TD: That is why you get paid the money. The fans and alumni expect you to field an elite program and bowl victories. Not just crappy bowls either. That begs the question, are you on the hot seat?
CF: I believe the Dolphins are on the phone for me.
TD: They just hired a new coach
CF: I mean the Falcons.
TD: I think they just hired a coach too, so did Arizona, Pittsburgh and the Raiders.
TD: Well I'll leave you to think about your failing the alumni and Hawkeye faithful.
CF: Great talking to you
Friday, October 19, 2007
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Monday, October 15, 2007
Chicago Bears. Damn I wish we had the other Adrian Peterson 20 rushes for 224 yards. Damn he is good instead we have the crappy Adrian Peterson. I am thinking the Bears may not make the playoffs let alone the Super Bowl again.
Purdue. Please don't do this to me again. The last three years you start out 5-0 then you crap the bed on me. You need to beat Iowa this weekend or I'll never hear the end of it from JB.
Iowa State vs. Texas. 56-3. Talk about an ass kicking. Gene Chizik was the defensive coordinator for Texas last year maybe he knew that they could not stop Texas so they didn't even try. Then to rub salt in the wound Mack Brown said he didn't want to run the score up on his friend Gene. Obviously running up the score to me is different than running up the score to Mack. Mack you're an asshole.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
LP: Come in Alfonso.
AS: Hola el jefe.
LP: I like to have this end of season meeting with everyone just to kind of give you some feedback and some things to think about during the off season.
AS: I did good yes?
LP: Well no
AS: You are not pleased?
LP: Let's be honest when you and I came here people expected us to win and win big. I am afraid that we may not have met the fans expectations. And if we fail the fans they will not come out to the ballpark and if they don't come out the people upstairs are going to wonder why.
AS: That is no good.
LP: I want to talk to you about your playoff performance. You were 2 for 14 with one walk and four strikeouts. How many times did you swing at the first pitch and ground meakly to the third baseman? Then when we needed to to come up big you hit a shot and you stood there admiring it like Barry Bonds. And only got a single!
AS: Barry Bonds is good
LP: You are missing the point! You need to take a pitch, work the count let the opposing pitcher work a little bit. Right now they know you will swing at anything they throw at you. You only had one walk during the playoffs and it was intentional walk and you swung the damn bat!
AS: That is how we do in the Dominican Republic.
LP: (Face turning red) That is not how we do it here! Bottom line we paid you a shitload of money to hit a ton of lead off home runs we need more production from you!
AS: You have been around a long time jefe, you should have expected this from me. Why do you think the Yankees traded me? Because I showed no plate discipline, was a so so second baseman and disappeared in the playoffs. I am a cheaper version of A-Rod except he hits more home runs and is a better fielder. The Yankees wanted to add payroll just to be rid of me. Now I am your problem. Who else will take me I am overpaid and getting old, matter of fact I man not even be thirty two, record keeping in the Dominican Republic is bad I could be as old as thirty six! My skills will continue to diminish and my contract will be an albatross for years.
LP: (Clutching chest and turning red) GET OUT!
AS: Adios el jefe.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
On a lighter side the Bears won. It was the first game I've seen from coin toss to heroic Favre interception in the endzone with time expiring. Next time I have to watch a Packers game in Lambeau I hope they do not scan the crowd. Wisconsin ,besides being a leading dairy producer, produces some ugly people. No wonder they drink so much it is the only way to avoid the mass plague of ugliness I'll bet the cows would drive themselves to the slaughter house to avoid seeing that for another day. I've spent significant time in Wisconsin, I was going to go to grad school in Wisconsin and yet I did not notice it, maybe it is localized to Green Bay. Time will tell
Friday, October 5, 2007
Thursday, October 4, 2007
I am a little disappointed with Soriano, I have been all season but last night exemplified it. Webb decided to pitch him like opposing pitchers pitched to Cerrano in file Major League; throw him a fast ball he hits it throw him a curve or anything off speed and he can't hit it. So I beg Soriano to do what Pedro Cerrano did in that epic film: Bats, they are sick. I cannot hit curveball. Straightball I hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. I offer him cigar, rum. He will come.
Make it a double for Jobu bartendar and Alfonso try looking at a pitch or two no more one pitch one out. Please
Cheers- Sam and Diana started dating
Frasier-Niles and Daphne
Northern Exposure-Joel and Maggie
Moonlighting-Dave and Maddie
Other shows that were bad to begin with:
Friends-Ross and Rachael, Chandler and Monica. I personally hated this show from the get.
The Nanny-Fran and Maxwell. If they wanted to improve this show they would have killed off Fran.
Anyway I hope this show does not follow suit.
I wish Fred Thompson would go away. All he has to say is a lot of nothing and he tries to play the down home folksy good ole boy. Wasn't that our current president's approach too? I predict that many of the initial support is because of his role on Law and Order. When people realize that Arthur Branch is not running for the presidency his support will wane. I predict that we will more than likely see a Giuliani/Huckabee ticket. Rudy has the mass appeal and Mike will appeal to the social conservatives.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
I have read that many Christian Conservatives want to start a third party because they are unhappy with the crop of Republican candidates. I think that introducing morality into polictics is a bad mix. Much like Vince McMahon's foray into professional football. I think that the GOP needs to focus on a candidate who can bring together a fragmented party and appeal to the wider base of voters. As a country we cannot have another administration who only appeals to a small portion of the electorate. I will admit I voted for Bush but I really wonder why. I'm a man without a party; the left scares me because of their naive approach to issues. If we pull out of Iraq it will be viewed as weakness. The Second World War ended in 1945 we still have troops in Germany and Japan; the Korean War ended in 1953 we still have troops in S. Korea. We will be in Iraq for a generation. Then there is health care. How will we pay for universal health care? Then the far right scares the shit out of me look what they have done! Need I say more?
Props to K-Fed. Guys have been stuck for years losing custody of their kids and paying child support out their noses. All you had to do was marry a skank father a few kids and now you are set for life. Both in the monetary and sexually transmitted disease categories.
I like the matchup with Zambrano starting the first game tomorrow vs. Webb. He pitches better away from Wrigley. So I am seeing a glimmer of hope Lilly will pitch the second game which I feel more comfortable with. Game three is where I start to worry I would rather see Hill go in that game. I think if it goes to a fourth game Z will pitch that one and game five would be Lilly on full rest. The D-Backs have a better record in one run games and maybe better defensively so it will be interesting.