Friday, September 28, 2007

Cubs, Why am I not surprised?

You have been swept by the Marlins, I think you may be jealous that by this time next week they will be on vacation. Keep playing like this and you may be too. If Milwaukee gets hot and you continue to play like well the Cubs you can be on vacation too! Three games left and you need two to clinch. Jesus you deserved to to swept in the first round of the playoffs! I am sending Jim Hendry a letter purposing that the C emblem be replaced by the image in this post. The NL Central sucks my brother refers to it as the Comedy Central it was yours for the taking and yet you can't close the deal. I am at a loss for words

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Over the weekend I was flipping through the channels and Gross Pointe Blank was on TNT I had forgotten how much I enjoyed this movie. I think my favorite scenes are when John Cusack is explaining to Minnie Driver how he became and assassin and the line " a good eye a steady hand and a certain moral flexibility" I thought that was classic. Also up there is when John kills the assassin played by karate great Benny Uriquez, then while 99 Luftballons is playing Jeremy Piven helps him dispose of the body.

The second is Airplane!

Everyone remembers the scene where the kid comes to the cockpit and Kareen Abdul Jabbar is the co-pilot. I have taken the liberty to rewrite it with a new co-pilot.

None other than Charlie Weis.

Young Joey enters the cockpit and is introduced to the pilot and notice the familiar face in the co-pilots seat.

Joey: I know you you're Charlie Weis! Coach of Notre Dame.

CW: No I'm not I am Roger Murdoch. I am an airline pilot, you must be mistaken.

Joey: We have season tickets. My dad says your having a bad year I say you are overrated and can't evaluate talent plus your schedule is nothing but fluff come on Duke, the service academies there isn't that much fluff inside of a twinkie. On top of that you're independent so you have no conference games that matter to anyone put you alumni base who rant on about how great ND is and tradition. When was your last national championship? Or meaningful bowl appearance for that matter? The only reason they keep you is because you an alumnus and they ran Ty Willingham out of town.

CW: Ty never had to put up with the pressure I have to! Plus the service academies have guns, tanks, airplanes and battleships! How can I compete against that?

Joey: They don't have any of that stuff. And Ty had a better record at this point in his third season than you do now. Face it the only reason you are still there is because you are a windbag alum part of the good ole boy network. And now they are stuck with you until 2015, there is no lemon law in college football. Just buyers remorse.

CW: I can't hear you I am in my happy place.

Joey: At least you are not alone Romeo Cronell has shit the bed in Cleveland too. Everyone thought that you and he were geniuses when you were winning championships in New England I guess it really was Bill Belichick afterall. Are you crying coach?

CW: Stewardess please take Joey back to his seat.

Joey: Better luck next year!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Kicking em while their down.

Thank you Notre Dame! Once again you go out there and get your asses kicked again. This week you play Purdue, BOILER UP!, then BC and USC. I smell a losing season. It makes me wonder where are all the alumni who were screaming for Ty Willingham's scalp after a bad start? In his third year Willingham was 3-1 at this point not 0-4. Instead that tub of crap Weis gets a pass, I love watching him grimance yet I hate seeing his 12 inches of under belt fat that makes it look like his butt is on backwards waddle down the sidelines. Nonetheless thanks for making my weekend Charlie keep up the good work against Purdue! To Joe Tiller you better not let me down.

I hate to pee in your punch Cubs fans

Over the weekend I was swept up in the Cubs euphoria and their now 3.5 game lead over the Brewers however this morning while I was in our biweekly staff meeting my mind started to wander. So afterwards I went to ESPN and took a look at the standing if the season ended today the Cubs, Mets, and Diamondbacks would win the divisions with San Diego as the wild cards. The Cubs record against these teams are as follows Mets 2-5, Diamondbacks 2-4 And San Diego 3-5 I'll do the math for you 7-14. On the downside well that is obvious, on the upside we will not have to see too much of the "diehard Cubs fans" during the playoffs. The likes of which are John Cusack, Bill Murray and Jim Belushi. You probably never see them during the regular season but the ass clown parade starts once the playoffs hit. Enjoy it while it lasts Cubs fans.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Disturbing trend

This week has been homecoming week at my daughters school so we've attended a few of the festivities and I noticed something disturbing. There of course were quite a few young men walking around in camouflage hats with plaid shirts with the sleeves cut off. To me this is disturbing on a couple levels; first people are knowingly and willing dressing like Larry the Cable Guy. I've never understood the appeal of this guy who parades around stupidly peddling his one line joke and it frightens me that these youth think it is cool. We may want to turn these parents into child protective services for abuse or neglect. However they are probably beaming proudly as their progeny strut around looking stupid. Second why would someone cut the sleeves off a perfectly good shirt? Sleeves are there for a purpose, one is for warmth or shorter sleeves for wear in warmer environments. There is also the whole idea of covering your armpits and side fat. I guess what I am asking the youth and parents of Central Iowa please leave the sleeves on the shirts, you would be performing a public service; thanks in advance for your participation.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I hate Notre Dame football rant

I grew up in Northwest Indiana and every idiot Catholic, myself excluded, in the area was a Notre Dame fan for no other reason than they were Catholic. Some of these mouth breathers probably could not spell Notre Dame let alone have any hope of ever matriculating there. Nothing has brought me more joy this football season than seeing them start the season at 0-3 this week Michigan State come to town and hopefully kicks their teeth in. Next week they play my alma mater Purdue who should lay the smack down then they play Boston College followed by USC. There is a God and boy does he love me! Normally I don't believe in kicking someone when they are down but when it comes to ND the gloves come off. If they were as good as all of their fans believed they would have joined the Big Ten years ago but in their hearts they knew they could NEVER win the Big Ten year in and year out. Don't worry Golden Domers you have Navy, Air Force and Duke coming in a few weeks you may win a few of them and then Coach Weis, who by the way is a tub of crap, will cry about getting no respect as you get your bid to the Toilet Bowl or some other worthless bowl game. Man it feels good to get that off my chest.

Information Technology joy of the week!

Yesterday after work I had to stop at Walgreens to pick up a prescription. I give the pharmacist my name verified my address he rang up my order I gave him my debit card. Nothing huge until his computer/cash register went into meltdown on him, I chuckled to myself thinking I wonder if it is running a Microsoft product. Then he has to call the manager and tech support I cannot resist chimming in when they ring me out on a different register that I am in IT and I find great joy in being able to walk away from a computer problem. The pharmacy staff found that to be quite funny life was good.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Coach Chizik meets with his life coach

Coach: Come in.
TD: Glad you called me coach.
CC: Thanks for stopping by Tom on such short notice.
TD: You sounded worried on the phone so I rushed right over.
CC: I am a little worried Tom.
TD: Worried? I guess all fans out there are expecting another victory this weekend against Toledo. You may have opened Pandora box victories around here have been hard to come by.
CC: Damn right. What the hell do they think I'm capable of, if Iowa hadn't shit the bed we would be winless and there would be no pressure at all. Now because I beat a team that quite frankly is no good to begin with they expect results! Then Nebraska, Texas Tech, Texas and Oklahoma I can't win any of those games.
TD: At least you are being honest with yourself, that is a good thing. You're right you gave them a taste of what they were looking for. Last year they only won four games and at one point lost six in a row and then they barely beat Missouri. You gave them a drink or water while they were staggering thirstly in the desert. Gene wake up you are their Moses, lead them to the promised land!
CC: All I wanted was a head coaching job make some money and some free meals once in a while.
TD: You mean pull a Steve Alford?
CC: If he can do it why can't I?
TD: Your bigger than that Gene. Cyclone Nation has put their trust in you. Worse case scenario you get fired in a few years and get a coordinator job out of the spotlight and invest well I think that was Dan's plan.
CC: You always know how to cheer me up.
TD: My pleasure Coach.

Information Technology tip of the day.

We in information technology are human too, and according to Maslow's hierarchy of need's the first need we have is Physiological. That is food, beverage etc. When you ask your IT staff to setup a computer presentation for a meeting that you are providing bagels for don't forget that along with fulfilling the needs of the attendee's provide your IT staff with a bagel too beverage is optional.

P.S. Maslow is the only thing I remember from COM 114 in college. I should have paid better attention in that course.

A few items of note

My friend in Connecticut told me that today is talk like a pirate day. So Happy talk like a pirate day!

Second it is Adam West's birthday you may know him as Batman from the 1960's TV series. Happy Birthday Batman!

And finally the Cubs! Ten games left and you drop one to the Reds, plus Houston has already started their vacation unfortunately they are playing Brewers. Now there is a tie at the top of the NL Central. The Brewers have 12 games left to play I see this ending badly.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Information Technology gripe of the day

So I call the help desk for an issue and they don't return my call or e-mail. When the help desk is no longer helping I think that they become the helpless desk.

Interview with Coach Ferentz

As many of you know Iowa lost to Iowa State on Saturday what many of you don't know is that our correspondant Silky Johnson had a chance to sit down with Coach Ferentz for a few minutes after the game here is what transpired

SJ: I would like to thank God for giving you so much and me so little.
CF: It's a pleasure to be here.
SJ: Coach first off there has to be some disappointment losing to a team that is so bad. How did you pull it off?
CF: Well first off my hats off to Coach Chizik and his staff for developing a game plan that rendered us mostly ineffective throughout much of the if not the whole first half. And for the second part of your question it was tough. We knew going in that they would be fired up for this game and to quite honest we were looking past them and towards Wisconscin next week. I love beer, cheese and brats and that is what Wisconscin is known for, I guess my lack of motivation this week filtered down to the team.
SJ: You get paid so much to field an elite team and yet you play so bad, do you feel like you have always been bad and this was covered up by former basketball coach Steve Alford performance?
CF: Man that is a tough one Silky. My compensation is based on a lot of variables when AD Gary Barta decided to extend me he knew he was getting an overrated coach to run a program that quite honestly never lives up to expectations. When I heard he was thinking about low balling me I started the rumors of going to the NFL. Gary thought that he could get a new coach and maybe turn things around or keep disappointing the fans.
SJ: He chose to continue to disappoint?
CF: Exactly! Now we have the remodeled stadium and we keep packing them in!
SJ: Last question coach, if you had to give the game a grade of either mark ass mark or trick ass mark what would you grade it?
CF: Definately mark ass mark.
SJ: I hope all the bad things in life happen to you.
CF: It's been a pleasure Silky.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Information Technology tip of the day.

When you ask Silky for help you need to give Silky the details. I cannot setup your webconference without details. So please send me a link bottom line take care of Silky and he will take care of you.

White Sox disappointment

When the White Sox won the World Series in 2005 I was so happy it wasn't funny, I made plans for the next parade in downtown Chicago. I was convinced there would be more however this team has sucked beyond my wildest dreams. It is almost a Cubs-like collapse. All I can hope for is October... when the season is over.