Something different

I am a huge fan of the Onion; I religiously check their website every Wednesday to see the new opinion articles. I find these hilarious especially the Herbert Kornfeld articles well I decided to try my hand at it.

Whether we win or loose God will love you but I won’t.
By Coach Bill Jones; Head Football Coach Crestwood Christian School

That’s right I said it! Everyday five days a week you hear this from your teachers here at Crestwood Christian. While it is true that God’s love is everlasting, perfect and unconditional but mine is not. I am tired of losing to the public schools in our league. Year after year they hand us our asses and what do we do after they’ve used and abused us? We get on the bus; lick our wounds and pray for healing! How about this? PRAY FOR A WIN! Jeremiah; aren’t you always talking about how Moses led his people to the Promised Land? Well there is a promised land in football too; it’s called the end zone! Maybe you should pray to be led there! He split the Red Sea so you would think splitting our opponent’s defense would be child’s play. We deserve it you’re all good servants as you put it. Wouldn’t he want to see you win and be happy? All the praying and talking to the other team after the game about their salvation should have earned us some points. It is time to call them in. It is getting harder for me to go to coaches meetings or the grocery store for that matter. All I hear is their snickering “he coaches THAT team and they can’t even win a stinking game”, “you expect me to go to church”? “If God can’t help them he sure as hell is not going to do anything for me”! So you not praying for a win will actually do more to hurt us than help us. You want more souls? Before we go out there get on your knees and pray for a win! Afterwards your words of testimony will not fall on deaf ears! If we win then we can call it a miracle! God’s miracle! After all didn’t that guy get some souls after he did that water thing at the wedding? He healed some dead guy too so get up after that tackle and don’t cry this time Luke! Your bruised ribs and bruised ego will be an after thought to him. These are not tears of joy I am crying! Let’s go out there and win this game!

Political thoughts

Polls here in Iowa have Mike Huckabee leading with a little over four weeks until the Iowa Caucus. People here in Iowa really take their caucus seriously on both sides of the aisle. I am constantly being hounded by the Obama people. Part of this is my own fault because I gave them my number and second because I am registered as an Independent. I tend to be more conservative however there is something appealing about Obama. I think because he is just different than Clinton and Edwards. I loved seeing Bill on TV during his administration I even voted for him because he had something special about him in 92. I may have been the only College Republican to vote for him ever. Huckabee is also growing on me, you may remember I mentioned him as a possible VP candidate with Rudy. I am tired of Mitt Romney and wish he would go away. It has nothing to do with him being a Mormon he just strikes me as disingenuous and will say whatever it takes to get elected, much like Hillary Clinton. I know he picked up some endorsement from the co-founder of the Christian Coalition for his sterling Conservative principles. Like his support for abortion? Like I said he will do anything and say anything to get elected, do we really need another leader like that?

Random TV thoughts

First off the Unit

The team deploys on one of the first post Hector era missions to stop an assassination. Prior to deployment Bob has a crisis of conscience and begins to see past kills. He goes as far as seeing the chaplain who himself is a former shooter for the unit. Bob is having a hard time differentiating the difference between murder and killing. This comes to a head once the team is deployed to Macedonia and Bob almost blows the mission. He confides in Jonas who tells him they have all faced this and he needs to get passed it. Bob does not let the team down and once the mission is over and they return to post he tells Jonas that he enjoys the job. I thought that this episode showed a human element to elite soldiers who are often perceived as mindless automatons.

Next is one of my new favorite shows Chuck

Chuck has been picked up for a full season! The rumor was that the writers strike was endangering the status of this show. I really enjoy this show, I know that is obvious, but the last few episodes have been great. If you have missed them check out YouTube and NBC.com. And finally Life has been picked up as well. This show is headlined by Damian Lewis; he is a British actor who also headlined HBO's Band of Brothers. Once again if you have missed it check it out on NBC.com or YouTube

It's about time the Bulls woke up

The game was not televised in Iowa last night but I was able to listen via NBA.com. With Hinrich firmly attached to the bench Deng and Gordon came alive. I think that Duhon was able to get them in the flow of the offense better than Hinrich has been able to lately. Maybe Hinrich is morning the loss of his pet pig but with all the money he is earning he needs to snap out of it. I want to see two things more often. The first is early on feeding the ball into Big Ben in the post. All he needs to do is dribble once or twice and slam it. High percentage shop and a score. Second I want to see Tyrus Thomas just slam everything he can get his hands on around the basket. Even if he has to go thru the rim himself like a Looney Tunes character. I think they should each have ten points and ten rebounds a game. We play Charlotte on Saturday so hopefully we will have consecutive wins after loses to shitty teams like the Knicks.

Thanks Bears

The Bulls were dredful this weekend. I think that this team has quit on Scott Skiles and Saturday we were definately the losers in the Eddy Curry deal. I liked Eddy and I hated to see him go however I think other than the heart issue he could not get along with Skiles ditto for Tyson Chandler. I would take either of them over Noah. The weekend was not a total loss the Bears rescued it for me. That was the best game I've seen in a while. Rex looked competent and Hester ran back a punt and a kickoff. If it were not for him this game would have been ugly

Interview with Charlie Weis

TDizzle: Thanks for meeting with me coach.
CW: No problem TDizzle.
TD: I am not going to beat around the bush this season is a total failure 2-9. I don't think that the alumni are going to stand for that. I had a boss who was a ND alumnus and during a meeting some tool trying to kiss up to him asked a question about ND football. Our boss was named Blair went on about 9-2 was expected and a bowl game was expected every year. Of course Blair was an asshole, which is to be expected if you were named Blair, and could not get into ND today if his life depended on it. I guess the question in all of this is do you feel like you let people like him down?
CW: 2-9 is misleading. We were in a lot of those games.
TD: Really your first three games, Ga.Tech, Penn State and Michigan, the total scores were 102-13. My degree is not in math but that adds up to an ass kicking. Then you go on to lose to MSU and my beloved Purdue. The points total was still 64-33 and then your first win against UCLA. Is it because all of Ty Willinghams' recruits are gone?
CW: We do not speak his name around here.
TD: Isn't that from Harry Potter?
CW: I thought I heard that somewhere before.
TD: This leads to my next question, are you overrated as a coach?
CW: Overrated is such a strong word. Sure at New England I had more tools but they didn't play the quality of opponents we play here. Come on this year alone we had Navy, Air Force, Duke and Stanford this week.
TD: Are you saying that those teams are better than Pittsburgh and Indianapolis? Or the Bears for that matter. The last quarterback in Navy's history to beat you was Roger Staubach! I cannot help to wonder if your success was due to Bill Belichick?
CW: Yes, I would agree with that assessment. Bill may fare better than me against the ships, tanks and airplanes.
TD: What are you talking about? I appreciate you candor though. It takes a big person to admit they are overrated but hey you just signed an extension until 2015. You will be driving assholes like Blair and the other mouth breathers well into the next decade so buck up there Charlie!
CW: It has been a pleasure TDizzle.
TD: Especially from this side of the table.

Motion City Soundtrack

A friend of mine asked me if I've ever heard of this band and I told him no so I googled them. My buddy told me I think you will like them so I asked a few people if they have heard of them. First I asked my friend Brian and he had heard of them and had a few albums which he said he will eventually loan to me. I asked Steve in DC and he had not heard of them same with Millie in CT. Next I went to YouTube and found a few videos one was live and had horrible audio but someone made a video with clips from Chuck, I am a huge fan of this show so take a look.



One of the other things I enjoy about the show is the music. The producers have included some good indie rock as well, although last weeks episode they used music from a Brittney Spears song which is troubling. Enjoy

Fox and Big Ten Network

You guys suck! See below

Saturday: Big Ten Network you have listed Purdue vs Indiana, the old Oaken Bucket game

After beating Notre Dame this is the second most important game my alma mater plays. So needless to say I was excited. What do you assholes at BTN do? You show the Iowa vs Western Michigan game! I have seen about four Purdue games this season but this is the one that mattered! Granted we lost but that was besides the poin! Televise the game you have listed!

Sunday: Fox you have listed the Bears vs Seahawks listed as the national game at 3:15. So what do you do? Televise the Cowboys vs Redskins. Again you are assholes too.

Someone woke up Big Ben

I was surprised to see the passion Wallace played with last night. Nine points and thirteen rebounds along with his block six steals and being the defensive anchor we hoped for when he signed. I know I come across as a Ben Gordon hater but last night he played very well. I love seeing him cut to the basket and when his shot is on he is awesome. I have often wondered if his defensive liability is too great. If he continues to play like he did last night I can live with it because he is the best pure scorer on the team. Now all we need is the inside scoring presence and all will be good in the world

Man vs Wild

In a previous post I mentioned the new season of Man vs Wild. I'll tell you what he has pulled out all the stops this season. Just look at this video




I'll never look at a camel the same again

I need satellite radio

Every morning I drive to work and I am forced to listen to horrible radio because there is no alternative. Every station has some idiotic morning show that hurts to listen to. On Thursday nights I am taking a class and it ends at 9:30PM. On the way home last night I was thumbing through the stations and there was absolutely nothing to listen to. Then I was surprised then the radio stopped on 95 KGGO and I heard Twisted Sister's "Were not going to take it" and I was so happy I could not believe it. That song an anthem to me in the 80's. I began to reminisce about my old jean jacket with the Twisted Sister pin along with my Quiet Riot pin and the trinity was completed with the Def Leppard pin. Then some idiot starts talking stupid over the song I almost drove off the road. I could not believe it. I began to think that Iowans just don't care they have been beaten into submission and gleefully accept mediocrity. They should be angry and rage against the hand of oppression that causes them to accept things like horrible DJ's and bad fashion. It reminds me of the South Park episode where the kids found the man in the ice and one of the first comments was "he is wearing Eddie Bauer, we have not seen that in at least three years". They end up sending him to Des Moines because they think it is three years behind the rest of the country. The image of a large stone in a river comes to mind, the raging river will eventually grind the stone down to a mere pebble, this is what has become of the radio listeners here in Iowa. This is long winded way of saying I need satellite radio

Barry Bonds indicted

I am not a huge Barry Bonds fan. It has nothing to do with his play on the field. I think he is probably one of the best hitters to ever play baseball, I think he was a first ballot Hall of Fame inductee prior to the alleged steroid/HGH use. Most of what bothers me is the things I've heard about his conduct in the clubhouse and dealings with the media. If it plays out that he did use the drugs the only question I would have is why? You were in the Pantheon why ruin it? I also think that Mark McGuire is getting a free pass in this all. Being an asshole is not a crime but lying to a grand jury is. I believe that Barry is innocent until proven guilty but with the perception that he is guilty already in peoples minds I wonder if he will ever be able to get a fair trial. An asterisk by his name is the least of his worries.

University of Iowa problems

As you may have heard there are three University of Iowa football players are under investigation. An old friend calls to offer support.

Coach Alford: Kirk how are you doing?
Coach Ferentz: Busy here, I assume you’ve heard of my problem.
CA: Yes I have. I am both disgusted and impressed.
CF: Disgusted? How so? You knew Pierre Pierce was a scumbag. Hell you probably recruited him because of it!
CA: Whoa there, sure I am disgusted by what they did. But you finally managed to come out from under my shadow. You knew you were the ugly little brother in Iowa City when I was there. But I only recruited one bad apple, you had three! In one year
CF: I would not say I was the ugly kid brother. Sure you had the star power won a national championship as a player.
CA: Don’t forget I played in the NBA.
CF: Barely. You were all pissy when the Pacers didn’t draft you in 1987. Instead they took Reggie Miller and how did that work out? They saw thru you then too bad Gary Barta believed all of your crap about building a winning tradition and family values. We would be much better off now.
CA: That is hitting below the belt! I was brought in there to bring the Hawkeye swagger back!
CF: How were you going to do that? Parade around Iowa City and expect people to give you free things? Then throw you softballs during press conferences? Only then to hide behind disingenuous faith? Maybe I should do that too! Look where it got you!
CA: I am hanging up now. All I wanted to do was show you some support!
CF: (screaming) GO TO HELL!

The Unit

It appears that in Tuesdays episode titled Play 16 Hector's death appears to be legitimate. As I read on the Internet fellow conspiracy minded people pointed out the lack of blood from Hector's wound. We later find out that it struck his spine and lodged in his chest. After the team arrived at the beach we see Jonas ordering Brown and Mack out so he could take care of business. Jonas then set about on his mission of atonement that was Biblical in scale. He marches into a rival terrorist factions HQ to find the person responsible for his comrades death. He then devises a plan and executes it. Jonas was double crossed in the meantime but is still able to rain death and destruction on two terrorist cells. Jonas ,the warrior monk, knew what was in store for him and yet he still walked into it in order to avenge his fallen comrade. I think it is quite possible that Jonas Blane is one of the horsemen of the Apocalypse joined by teammate Mack Gerhardt and Jack Bauer. With those two by his side there in no need for a fourth horsemen. We then see a more human side to the surviving team members preparing to say good bye to a fallen comrade. I still have suspicions that Col Ryan had something to do with it. But we had a glimpse into the personal side to Ryan when he places the bullet in the box on his shelf. I think that this demonstrates the burden of military command. I really thought that the episode was very good. On a down note I watched the episode via CBS.com and I was a little disappointed with the software platform they use for full episodes replay. I watched it at work and it was choppy and disjointed.

Last evening

I was a responsible and proud parent last night. My oldest daughter is a member of her schools jazz band and their concert was last night at 7:30. So I missed The Unit at 8:00. I accepted this because I could see it on CBS.com. So we get to the school and find seats and the concert begins with the jazz band. They played very well for a group that has only practiced for six weeks. Next the middle school chorus came out. Mrs. Dizzle leans over to me here is our conversation.

Mrs Dizzle: Do you see that girl in the back row with the low cut turquoise fringed dress? Who would let their daughter wear that? Where the hell did she get that dress?
TDizzle: I think they are sitting in front of us. They must have broken into the Disney on Ice dressing rooms and stole it from Ariel the Little Mermaid.

As the concert goes on Mrs D leans over again.

Mrs D: Those clothes were ugly in the eighties and their still ugly now.
TDizzle: I agree all of these kids are dressed the same. I wonder if it was a collective bad decision or if their parents were punishing them by dressing them as slow kids.

All in all it was a good evening I get to see a concert and make fun of people

Dear Abby asks TDizzle to help with answer readers questions

DEAR ABBY/TDizzle: I am 20 years old and for the time being, I live with my parents. My problem is our elderly neighbor, "John." John recently divorced his wife and now lives alone.
He spends most of his time on his computer having inappropriate conversations with extremely young-sounding girls via the Internet. He must be hard of hearing because he turns the sound up loud, and I can hear it all hours of the night.
I see John on a daily basis, but I don't want to say anything to him, and I don't want to call the police because I'd be embarrassed when I see him. I'm not sure how to fix this problem. What do you think? -- SLEEPLESS IN FORT MADISON, IOWA
Dear Sleepless in Fort Madison IA:

First off I would not ask to borrow “John’s” keyboard that is for sure. The obvious question is; are you sure you are not John? If you are be honest with yourself. Because if you are not John I think that you are a boring little dipshit that is jealous of an elderly man who is obviously having more luck with the ladies than you are currently having. If you are “John” why are you not out talking to women in person? Are you that hideous? Remember if they are on the internet talking to you they’re probably just as hideous as you! Your problem is two fold one is that you are living with your parents. Second you’re preoccupied with your elderly neighbor. I would not be embarrassed to see John maybe you should ask him for some advice because at least he is talking to women. A wise man once told me don’t hate the playa hate the game.

Regards,
TDizzle

Chuck

Poor Chuck. In tonights episode he confesses his love for Sarah while they have taken a truth potion. He confesses his feelings to her and she tells him that things are not going to go anywhere. Later Casey confronts her to see if she compromised herself and she reveals she has been trained to resist sodium penathol. Then Chuck dumps her. I realize this is TV but the Dizzle feels horrible for Chuck. I think it will be interesting to see how this is worked out. Actually I kind of know thanks to Spoilertv.blogspot.com. But I won't spoil it for you.

24 Season 7

I heard that this has been delayed due to the Writers Guild strike. Here is the trailer and I am sure we will not be disappointed!

New season of Man vs Wild

Last Friday I caught the first episode of the new season. Prior to that they had re-edited some of the old episodes because members of the crew reported that Bear had received help during the filming. For instance in the Alaska episode you hear his voice over state a member of the crew had better luck catching a salmon. Bear then grabs the salmon and bites into it. Personally I am not too concerned who caught the damn thing he still killed a living salmon by eating it. In my opinion that is hard core. Then he jumps in the freezing water after a glacier hits his boat. Once again hard core. In the Iceland episode he eats the eyes and other meat from a mountain goat after he cooks it in a thermal geyser. I am not sure what people's definition of tough is but I think that is close enough for me.

The Unit conspiracy theory surrounding Hector's death

This came to me yesterday during a moment of work avoidance. As I mentioned in a previous post my buddy Greg and I discussed a possible conspiracy well yesterday the light clicked on. If you remember the first two episodes this season Blane's A-team was on the run after being framed by the CIA. Col Ryan was testifying before a congressional panel about the units actions when his wife intervened on his behalf. The discovery of the floating prison run by a private military company was exposed and Ryan's wife was trying to get him to see the light about who really runs this country and how she could help him. I began to wonder if Ryan went off the deep end after Hector's discovery of he and Tiffy at the motel? He contacts his wife begs for help and she helps him because she is a cold blooded back stabber but is happy because he is doing what it takes to protect his career finally. And then has her "friends" arrange for Blane's team to run into obstacles during their extraction and if that fails take out Hector. What Ryan has done in military circles is a serious crime that can be prosecuted under the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) and he knows that along with that will come loss of his command and the respect of his peers. If you ask me that is enough to drive him to eliminate Hector and if need be the whole team.

This is the Bulls team I want to see!

I have been a little disappointed with the Bulls season so far but that all changed last night. I thought they played with the intensity we have seen in the past two seasons. Up until yesterday I was thinking we had the losing end of the Eddy Curry trade but Tyrus Thomas had a great performance last night. When he is able to slash and get the high percentage shots inside the paint and stay out of foul trouble I like what I see. When he was recruited at LSU he was a point guard but he ended up growing four inches so needless to say I want to see him run the break and finish more. I had a feeling that they would come to play against the Pistons and I was not disappointed.

Unsure of parenting job

Last night my oldest daughter and I were driving home from the chiropractor when we came up behind a honey wagon. What is a honey wagon you ask? The name is misleading as you will see. In Iowa there are a lot of hog confinements. Their waste is gathered in a pit and these honey wagons collect it and farmers then spray it on their fields for fertilizer. To say that these smell is probably an understatement. When we approached and the smell hit us we looked at each other and we both busted into the scene from Anchorman where Brian Fantana and Ron Burgundy are discussing Brian's cologne choice. We both open with "that is a formidable odor, it stings the nostrils". We both had a good laugh then she ups the ante with "sixty percent of the time it works every time". I was happy that she has inherited my twisted sense of humor, however I wondered what kind of parent raises a child who quotes Anchorman? Another of her favorites is The Office diversity day episode. I guess I can only wait and see

The Unit

This is hands down one of my favorite shows. The cast is led by Dennis Haysbert who you may know as President David Palmer from another favorite of mine 24. Haysbert plays CSM Jonas Blane who leads a team of elite special operatives on missions around the globe. Also on this team is MSG Mack Gerhardt played by Max Martini, he was in Saving Private Ryan as well as The Great Raid. My friend Greg and I debate who is the baddest of the two; I've always leaned towards Mack because his character has a sort of hillbilly abandon, drink up, kick ass, kill and worry about it later. On the other hand Blane is more of the warrior scholar or monk. This show appeals to be because of my time in the military and it has a ton of violence and action. If you remember from my post about a new favorite Chuck this is high on my list.

Last nights episode a member of Blane's team was killed. This sparked a serious debate last night between myself and my friend Greg. In the previous episode one of the team members, Hector Williams, discovered their commanding officer Col. Tom Ryan had rekindled his affair with Mack's wife. Well lo and behold Hector gets killed by a sniper. It is unknown whether or not he told anyone of his discovery. Well Greg and I treated this like a conspiracy. First off Mack's wife is a ho, and for those of you who don't know there is no 12 step program for ho's. This affair between her and Ryan is nothing new and it is odd that one week after Williams discovering it he is dead. I began to wonder here you have an elite team of spec ops soldiers and all you do is fire one shot? Plus there was at least another squad of soldiers that came to extract them. This is what is called in military terms a target of opportunity. I am not sure if this was a conspiracy or an ironic incident but I do know one thing from the previews of next weeks show Blane is going to become and finger of God and is going to rain death and destruction upon those who killed his friend.

Charlie and his boss discuss their recent loss.

Kevin Brown: Coach Weis how are you today?

Coach Weis: Oh fine, yesterday the wife and I went shopping for new linens and ate lunch at a delightful little restaurant.

KB: You were able to eat after another loss on Saturday?

CW: I meant I broke down film and I am getting an appeal ready to send to the NCAA... Then we went linen shopping.

KB: We are 1-8. We lost to a team we have beat for forty-three years! St. Mary's wants to play us! Matter of fact Vegas has us as a two touchdown dog!

CW: They're a girls school I am sure we can cover that spread. Sharpley will pass all over them.

KB: THEY DON'T HAVE A TEAM! THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF US!!!!

CW: Oh. Well they have battleships, submarines and things like that.

KB: No they don't! They are 5-4! An actual quality opponent! They may even go to a bowl!

CW: A bowl of pasta sounds good right now. Why are you clutching your chest? Are you ok Kevin? You don't look so good.

KB: WIN A DAMN GAME! I PAY YOU A LOT OF MONEY TO COACH FOOTBALL (collapses and turns red)

CW: We play Air Force next, they may beat us.

KB: Help me!

Weekend observations

I expected a higher scoring game in Indianapolis yesterday. I knew that Brady would out shine Manning during the game. I think it was a matter of body language. There were constant shots of both of them on the sidelines. Peyton looked tense while Brady looked cool and composed.

The Packers suprised me a little too. I had the TV on in the background and when Favre took the field in that game winning drive I thought that we would see one of those legendary interceptions followed by him walking off the field shaking his head with the look of disbelief on his face.

And finally the Bulls. How does that young core look now? Hinrich, Gordon and Deng have accounted for 31 of the 51 turnovers committed this season. I think the trade rumors have had a affect on them. Along with not signing the contract extensions you have a recipe for disaster. I think that Gordon and Deng may regret not doing so.

Ask TDizzle

I guess word has gotten out that I can dispense advice. Here is a question I received from a reader in West Ames.

Dear TDizzle,

Why is it that women will call the nastiest, masochist (and frankly retarded) lyrics romantic if they are set to a slow, R&B beat? Is this because deep down because these women really are slutty and though they would never admit, would enjoy being picked up by the side of the road by a guy with a Camaro who just wants to know “if there is any more room for me in those jeans”?

Confused in West Ames

Dear Confused in West Ames;

Women want bastards, if you treat me bad I’ll do what ever you want. I have often wondered if the slow R&B beat lulls them into a semi-hypnotic state. One in which they will do as the song says. The Camaro and being picked up on the side of the road; this one stumped Dizzle a little bit. Upon further pontification the only explanation I can come with is they are hoping to put a name to their current John Doe paternity suit. They long for the rusty multicolored 1978 Camaro blaring Billy Squire ‘the Stroke” so their baby will have a daddy. Life can get lonely in the double wide without a man at your side. Come to think of it that sounds like a country music song. And the eternal question of is there any room for me in those jeans? Some of the women I’ve seen there is barely enough room in those jeans for themselves let alone you or me!

Regards,

TDizzle

Farewell to an American hero

Paul Tibbets has died at the age of 92. Who is Paul Tibbets you ask? He is the man who piloted the Enola Gay that dropped the A-bomb on Hiroshima thus ushering in the nuclear age of warfare. I remember listening to NPR a few years ago and heard a story about how he lived modestly in Columbus Ohio and many people did not realize his contribution to the war effort. Many people may read this and be disgusted that I used the word hero to describe him, so be it. But his actions saved the lives not only of hundreds of thousands servicemen but Japanese civilians as well.

Dear Abby asks TDizzle to help with answer readers questions part 2

Abby asked for help with this one.

DEAR ABBY/TDizzle: Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can't get a date with the "right" kind of guy.
Abby, I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I'm kind to everyone, I've got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.
This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don't think they've got a shot in hell, so they don't ask me out.
Most of the dates and relationships I've had have happened because I asked the other person out. I've been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men, and I'd like to experience that again.
I'm so sick of meeting creeps! I really want someone in my league. I've been told a thousand times that I'm gorgeous, stunning, or asked why I'm not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I'm well-read and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents? -- DATELESS 23-YEAR-OLD


Dear Dateless: Someone should take the pedestal you’ve placed yourself on and beat you with it.
The description you’ve given of yourself is one of the girls who everyone hates in high school; the overachieving cheerleader/soccer tramp/spoiled kid. Your killer personality translates to boring dipshit and inspiring attitude I read as an ass kisser who tries to use her “catch” status to make points at work without sleeping with their boss. He does not want the inspiration he wants you!

You attract creeps because you are one. The attractive and bright men know a time honored secret passed on from man to man; no matter how good lucking you are; or perceive yourself to be, someone is sick of putting up with your shit. I hope this helps

Regards
TDizzle