Unsure of parenting job

Last night my oldest daughter and I were driving home from the chiropractor when we came up behind a honey wagon. What is a honey wagon you ask? The name is misleading as you will see. In Iowa there are a lot of hog confinements. Their waste is gathered in a pit and these honey wagons collect it and farmers then spray it on their fields for fertilizer. To say that these smell is probably an understatement. When we approached and the smell hit us we looked at each other and we both busted into the scene from Anchorman where Brian Fantana and Ron Burgundy are discussing Brian's cologne choice. We both open with "that is a formidable odor, it stings the nostrils". We both had a good laugh then she ups the ante with "sixty percent of the time it works every time". I was happy that she has inherited my twisted sense of humor, however I wondered what kind of parent raises a child who quotes Anchorman? Another of her favorites is The Office diversity day episode. I guess I can only wait and see

The Unit

This is hands down one of my favorite shows. The cast is led by Dennis Haysbert who you may know as President David Palmer from another favorite of mine 24. Haysbert plays CSM Jonas Blane who leads a team of elite special operatives on missions around the globe. Also on this team is MSG Mack Gerhardt played by Max Martini, he was in Saving Private Ryan as well as The Great Raid. My friend Greg and I debate who is the baddest of the two; I've always leaned towards Mack because his character has a sort of hillbilly abandon, drink up, kick ass, kill and worry about it later. On the other hand Blane is more of the warrior scholar or monk. This show appeals to be because of my time in the military and it has a ton of violence and action. If you remember from my post about a new favorite Chuck this is high on my list.

Last nights episode a member of Blane's team was killed. This sparked a serious debate last night between myself and my friend Greg. In the previous episode one of the team members, Hector Williams, discovered their commanding officer Col. Tom Ryan had rekindled his affair with Mack's wife. Well lo and behold Hector gets killed by a sniper. It is unknown whether or not he told anyone of his discovery. Well Greg and I treated this like a conspiracy. First off Mack's wife is a ho, and for those of you who don't know there is no 12 step program for ho's. This affair between her and Ryan is nothing new and it is odd that one week after Williams discovering it he is dead. I began to wonder here you have an elite team of spec ops soldiers and all you do is fire one shot? Plus there was at least another squad of soldiers that came to extract them. This is what is called in military terms a target of opportunity. I am not sure if this was a conspiracy or an ironic incident but I do know one thing from the previews of next weeks show Blane is going to become and finger of God and is going to rain death and destruction upon those who killed his friend.

Charlie and his boss discuss their recent loss.

Kevin Brown: Coach Weis how are you today?

Coach Weis: Oh fine, yesterday the wife and I went shopping for new linens and ate lunch at a delightful little restaurant.

KB: You were able to eat after another loss on Saturday?

CW: I meant I broke down film and I am getting an appeal ready to send to the NCAA... Then we went linen shopping.

KB: We are 1-8. We lost to a team we have beat for forty-three years! St. Mary's wants to play us! Matter of fact Vegas has us as a two touchdown dog!

CW: They're a girls school I am sure we can cover that spread. Sharpley will pass all over them.

KB: THEY DON'T HAVE A TEAM! THEY'RE MAKING FUN OF US!!!!

CW: Oh. Well they have battleships, submarines and things like that.

KB: No they don't! They are 5-4! An actual quality opponent! They may even go to a bowl!

CW: A bowl of pasta sounds good right now. Why are you clutching your chest? Are you ok Kevin? You don't look so good.

KB: WIN A DAMN GAME! I PAY YOU A LOT OF MONEY TO COACH FOOTBALL (collapses and turns red)

CW: We play Air Force next, they may beat us.

KB: Help me!

Weekend observations

I expected a higher scoring game in Indianapolis yesterday. I knew that Brady would out shine Manning during the game. I think it was a matter of body language. There were constant shots of both of them on the sidelines. Peyton looked tense while Brady looked cool and composed.

The Packers suprised me a little too. I had the TV on in the background and when Favre took the field in that game winning drive I thought that we would see one of those legendary interceptions followed by him walking off the field shaking his head with the look of disbelief on his face.

And finally the Bulls. How does that young core look now? Hinrich, Gordon and Deng have accounted for 31 of the 51 turnovers committed this season. I think the trade rumors have had a affect on them. Along with not signing the contract extensions you have a recipe for disaster. I think that Gordon and Deng may regret not doing so.

Ask TDizzle

I guess word has gotten out that I can dispense advice. Here is a question I received from a reader in West Ames.

Dear TDizzle,

Why is it that women will call the nastiest, masochist (and frankly retarded) lyrics romantic if they are set to a slow, R&B beat? Is this because deep down because these women really are slutty and though they would never admit, would enjoy being picked up by the side of the road by a guy with a Camaro who just wants to know “if there is any more room for me in those jeans”?

Confused in West Ames

Dear Confused in West Ames;

Women want bastards, if you treat me bad I’ll do what ever you want. I have often wondered if the slow R&B beat lulls them into a semi-hypnotic state. One in which they will do as the song says. The Camaro and being picked up on the side of the road; this one stumped Dizzle a little bit. Upon further pontification the only explanation I can come with is they are hoping to put a name to their current John Doe paternity suit. They long for the rusty multicolored 1978 Camaro blaring Billy Squire ‘the Stroke” so their baby will have a daddy. Life can get lonely in the double wide without a man at your side. Come to think of it that sounds like a country music song. And the eternal question of is there any room for me in those jeans? Some of the women I’ve seen there is barely enough room in those jeans for themselves let alone you or me!

Regards,

TDizzle

Farewell to an American hero

Paul Tibbets has died at the age of 92. Who is Paul Tibbets you ask? He is the man who piloted the Enola Gay that dropped the A-bomb on Hiroshima thus ushering in the nuclear age of warfare. I remember listening to NPR a few years ago and heard a story about how he lived modestly in Columbus Ohio and many people did not realize his contribution to the war effort. Many people may read this and be disgusted that I used the word hero to describe him, so be it. But his actions saved the lives not only of hundreds of thousands servicemen but Japanese civilians as well.

Dear Abby asks TDizzle to help with answer readers questions part 2

Abby asked for help with this one.

DEAR ABBY/TDizzle: Call me confident, but I know I am a real catch. But for the life of me, I can't get a date with the "right" kind of guy.
Abby, I am beautiful inside and out. I was raised in a great family with good morals, I'm kind to everyone, I've got a killer personality, great sense of humor, an inspiring attitude, and the glass is always half-full.
This may seem cocky, but my two problems with men are: I seem to attract creeps, and the kind of men I deserve don't think they've got a shot in hell, so they don't ask me out.
Most of the dates and relationships I've had have happened because I asked the other person out. I've been in two major relationships with very attractive, bright men, and I'd like to experience that again.
I'm so sick of meeting creeps! I really want someone in my league. I've been told a thousand times that I'm gorgeous, stunning, or asked why I'm not modeling. Yesterday someone called me Miss America. I'm well-read and in tune with the arts, smart and funny. Where are the male equivalents? -- DATELESS 23-YEAR-OLD


Dear Dateless: Someone should take the pedestal you’ve placed yourself on and beat you with it.
The description you’ve given of yourself is one of the girls who everyone hates in high school; the overachieving cheerleader/soccer tramp/spoiled kid. Your killer personality translates to boring dipshit and inspiring attitude I read as an ass kisser who tries to use her “catch” status to make points at work without sleeping with their boss. He does not want the inspiration he wants you!

You attract creeps because you are one. The attractive and bright men know a time honored secret passed on from man to man; no matter how good lucking you are; or perceive yourself to be, someone is sick of putting up with your shit. I hope this helps

Regards
TDizzle