Some people should not be allowed to speak in public

I was is Taco John's for lunch; today is Taco Tuesday with a $ .69 taco special. As I am waiting for my to go order these two guys standing behind me start talking. The one who looked like a garden gnome pipes up "I don't understand why you would come here on Tuesday and order a chalupa? It is Taco Tuesday, not chalupa Tuesday". Then the semi-nerdy guys says "straight up"! Garden Gnome then adds "I saw some guy throw away almost a full order of potato ole's! That is an insult! To me, you and even Whiplash"! For those of you who don't know Whiplash is a Capuchin monkey who rides a dog in their commercials. How can you insult a dog riding monkey? Why is this insulting to you Mr. Garden Gnome? Why are you talking? Don't you realize there are women in her? Judging from your appearance you probably don't have a girlfriend and judging by the way you are talking you may never get one. Your behavior all but guarantees that you will not be passing your genes on anytime soon so you will probably die alone. I am sorry to tell you this but I feel compelled to get this off my chest.

Identifying with Old School

Last weekend I was flipping the channels when I came across Old School on TBS. I thought this was the perfect way to kill a few hours. It caused me to reminisce a little bit. I was a member of a fraternity in college and the scenes of rush made me laugh. I love Vince Vaughn's character especially when he tells the pledges they will give nothing back to academic society. And of course Will Ferrell as Frank the Tank. I could definitely identify with both of them. I never streaked to the quad but I did my share of beer bongs back in the day. I will be honest with you there are some days I am surprised I survived to graduate college and become a productive citizen.

Dear Abby asks TDizzle to help answer readers questions

Dear Abby has asked me to help out this week with an overflow of letters so let's get started!

DEAR ABBY/TDizzle: I am basically your average seventh-grader with divorced parents. My dad is about to get married again. I like my future stepmom, except for one thing. She never buckles her seat belt. She says it's uncomfortable, and she doesn't like it.

She recently moved here from Colombia, but that does not excuse her from obeying our laws. I don't know what to do. My dad tells her to buckle up, but she never does. What should I do? -- STRAPPED IN TIGHT

Dear Strapped in Tight: Your future stepmother does not want to see let alone hear anything from you. You are a constant reminder of a your fathers previous relationship and sees his child support payment to your mother as a drain on their finances. She would like nothing more than to bid rid of you since the extra money would come in handy. And by the way if she "moved" here from Columbia chance are your father met her on the internet and those bridal clearinghouses are not cheap. If your father is that much of a pathetic dipshit that he had to "move" your stepmother from Columbia chances are you will have to as well. So think about how you will feel when your goody two shoes progeny reminds your purchased second wife about a seat belt. The apple does not fall far from the tree!
Regards
TDizzle

Chicago Sports teams

I am tired of the arrogance of the powers that be in Chicago Sports. They have fallen in love with players who don't perform or let key players go. All the while their divisions are getting better and the windows of opportunity are closing. I have some ideas on how to fix this, I will start with the Bears.

Bears
You run Thomas Jones out of town for Cedric Bensen. He cannot pass block or run for that matter. No big off season signings. We lost the Super Bowl and we let go of a coordinator, cut our nose tackle, and settled on a bad running back. The Patriots lost in the AFC Championship Game and they went out a signed Randy Moss! Why? Because they want to WIN! Griese/Grossman have no studs in the stable Muhsin Mohammed is good but he is getting older and has no one to take pressure off of him. Then the defense is bad Brian Urlacher is hurt and behaving like a child Mike Brown is out and Adam Archuleta is just bad. At least there is only eight more games

Bulls
I almost agree with not going after Kobe because you would have gutted the team. But then you let Kevin Garnett go to the Celtics and team with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce. They have got to be the favorite in the Eastern Conference. The Knicks traded for Zach Randolph who is a low post scoring threat that we needed. We draft Noah who is an energy guy like Tyrus Thomas. I wonder if "energy" is code word for bad. Thomas has a ton of potential but seems uninterested in getting it together. Noah has little offense and is a defensive player much like the guy you pay $15 million a year; Ben Wallace. Then the big off season signing Joe Smith. I hope Luol Deng makes a huge leap we are expecting because all of a sudden we look like the losers in the Curry deal.

Cubs
Even though they made the playoffs they have issues. Soriano will only hit lead off and he is bad at that. You paid Marquis a lot of money to be bad. Now you have to go and find a starting pitcher make a decision on Wood and Prior. I would tender Wood an offer with a promise of seeing the back end of the rotation or as the closer. Rumor has it Prior will not start throwing until June so let someone else pay him to rehab. Then there is the outfield let go of the mentally ill Floyd go after someone like Torii Hunter and platoon Murton in right with Jones.

And finally; the beloved
White Sox
Some feeble minded people will probably say the Red Sox won this year last time they did that we won the next year! It is fate. I think we need to let Uribe go and solidfy the middle with someone like Eckstein or Renteria at short and go after Andruw Jones or Torii Hunter in center. Both come from winning organizations and will bring a professional attitude. I believe that the Braves may let Renteria go because while he was on the DL his replacement played pretty well. If we do this I think we could let Brian Anderson and Josh Fields battle it out for left field, Podsednik needs to go too. Hopefully Contreras will bounce back or we resign Garland and find another servicable starter to go with Buerhle, Vasquez and Garland. Hopefully someone from the trade of Brandon McCarthy; by the way I hated this trade, will show up and perform.

I believe that all of the GM's have shown to some degree or another an institutional arrogance be it falling in love with their "core"; Paxton or Williams trading away a bona fide starter for projects. I am glad I got that off my chest

Favorite show of fall 2007-Chuck

At first I ignored this show but I caught the premiere episode on Nbc.com and I was hooked. It combined some of my favorite things information technology, hot dogs, action and mindless violence. Information Technology is easy because that is how I make a living, I enjoy the action movie genre and being from the Chicagoland area I love hot dogs. One of my first jobs was working at a hot dog stand in my neighborhood; the torch of hot dog stand employment has been passed to my younger sister Kris. Serve honorably Krissy! There were two girls who worked there, neither of which were remotely attractive one of them ended up having a baby with some Chicago Bears player, or at least that was the rumor, the other was a redneck who probably satisfied truckers during her breaktime. My friend Mark wanted to be on that shit. None of them could hold a weenie to Sarah Walker portrated by Yvonne Strahovski.

Anyway if you have not given the show a chance I suggest you do, you will not be disappointed.

Two old friends reconnecting

CF: Pick up the phone already

CA: Hello.

CF: Hey Steve it's me Kirk.

CA: How are you doing? How are things in Hawkeye Nation (giggling)?

CF: Rough. Since you left town everyones ire is directly on me. These people expect me to actually win they're not buying this building for the future shit anymore. Did you see what Purdue did to us?

CA: That was rough my friend. It is nice to be here in New Mexico the only things hot here is the sun. I am tan and playing a little golf, talking at some alumni events getting free meals and things like that.

CF: Obviously none of them have heard of your history here in Iowa City. Man talk about the good ole days, walk around high fiving and fist bumping these morons, talk in coachspeak using words like synergy, cohesion bringing back the Hawkeye pride. I envy you.

CA: I am truly blessed my friend.

CF: Still running off at the mouth about that too? If people only knew!

CA: That is the beauty! They don't. Talk about resurrection! I figure it took them seven years to get sick of me in Iowa. Seven years here and I'll be in my early fifties then I can do TV. That's when the big bucks start rolling in.

CF: You're such a tool. Maybe I should start recruiting low lives like you did? Does Pierre Pierce have any brothers or cousins? Hopefully the apple didn't fall far from the tree.

CA: I beat you to them.

CF: Bastard. What am I supposed to do?

CA: Nothing just roll with it, I did. Follow the Alford scorched earth program and I promise you will land on your feet somewhere else probably making more money than you are now.

CF: Thanks Steve! Give my best to the wife and kids!

CA: You too!

I hate you Chris Berman

Dear Chris;

This morning I turned on ESPN hoping to see some highlights from the Bears vs. Eagles game; you see I live in Iowa and that game was not the Fox game in my area it was the Cowboys vs. Vikings. I listened to the game over the internet but I missed the final few minutes because my wife had brought dinner home and we were eating. Afterwards I went to my Chicago Sports website and I see that they had won. I digress well anyway like I said I turned on ESPN and you were going on about New England who beat Miami handily. Then you went on and called Tom Brady handsome and well dressed. If you like him that much it is okay, people are much more accepting these days. Maybe he feels the same about you! The two of you could live happily ever after. All I wanted to see was the final drive? That was a gut check, a season changing drive instead I had to watch you profess you love of Tom Brady. I hope you choke on him; aimless wander into traffic or any one of a hundred painful things.

Yours truly

T Dizzle